Imagine sitting in your lawyer's waiting room before an important meeting.
You know this conversation matters. There is too much to explain: years of history, difficult messages, financial uncertainty, questions about the children — and perhaps allegations or decisions that could change your life.
Yet instead of organising your thoughts, you find yourself staring at the ceiling, unable to decide where to begin.
At Kiido, many people ask us for legal advice about separation, divorce and parenting arrangements. We cannot provide legal advice. Every family situation is different, and only a qualified lawyer who understands your circumstances and has reviewed your documents can advise you personally.
However, through the experiences shared with us by separated parents — and by reviewing guidance published by French legal institutions and professionals — we have accumulated a set of practical, go-to actions. They can help you make conversations with your lawyer clearer, more focused and more productive.
Whether your separation is relatively straightforward or deeply complicated, here are ten things worth remembering before you walk into that room.
These recommendations concern separation and divorce proceedings in France.
1. Tell your lawyer the uncomfortable facts too
Your lawyer needs to know what supports your position. They also need to know what could weaken it.
Tell them:
- what the other person is likely to allege;
- which documents, messages or recordings may exist;
- which decisions or actions of your own might be challenged;
- what you regret or would now handle differently;
- what you fear the other lawyer may reveal.
Do not give your lawyer only the version of events that makes you look reasonable. If an important fact is going to emerge, your lawyer should hear it from you first. That gives them an opportunity to assess its relevance, anticipate how it may be used and advise you properly.
You should be able to speak openly. Under the professional rules governing French lawyers, the lawyer is the client's "necessary confidant." Professional secrecy covers consultations, correspondence, interview notes and information received in the course of the lawyer's work.
Conseil national des barreaux — Article 2 of the National Internal Regulations
Remember: your lawyer needs the version the other person could tell — not only the version you would tell.
2. Bring a timeline, not only a story
A separation may contain years of history and emotion. Your lawyer needs to understand what happened, but also when it happened.
Prepare a short chronology containing the important events. Depending on your situation, this might include:
- the beginning of the relationship or marriage;
- the birth of the children;
- the date of separation;
- changes of residence;
- changes in parenting arrangements;
- significant financial events;
- agreements and disagreements;
- complaints, reports or professional interventions;
- previous court proceedings and decisions.
Use a simple structure:
Date → What happened → Who was involved → Supporting document
For example:
14 March 2025 → Parenting schedule changed → Both parents → Email exchange
A chronology helps your lawyer identify patterns, missing evidence, important deadlines and possible contradictions. It also prevents a costly meeting from being consumed by trying to reconstruct the sequence of events.
The Marseille Bar recommends preparing a detailed chronology, organising the relevant documents and writing down your questions before meeting a lawyer.
Marseille Bar — Preparing for a first meeting with a lawyer
3. Separate facts from suspicions and conclusions
Compare these two statements:
"There was a transfer of €2,000 on 4 May. Here is the bank statement."
and:
"My former partner has been hiding money for years."
The first describes a fact supported by a document. The second may express a legitimate suspicion, but it remains a conclusion that your lawyer must assess.
Try to distinguish clearly between:
- what you personally witnessed;
- what another person told you;
- what a document establishes;
- what you suspect;
- what you have concluded from several events.
You do not need to abandon your suspicions. You need to label them accurately.
In divorce proceedings, Article 259 of the French Civil Code allows the facts invoked by the spouses to be established through different forms of evidence. But this does not mean that every method of obtaining evidence is lawful. Articles 259-1 and 259-2 place limits on evidence obtained through violence or fraud and on certain intrusions into the home or private life.
French Civil Code — Articles 259 to 259-2
Before secretly recording someone, entering an account, installing tracking software or accessing private information, ask your lawyer whether the proposed action is lawful.
Do not obtain evidence invasively and ask whether it was legal afterwards.
4. Do not send hundreds of unexplained screenshots
A large archive is not automatically strong evidence.
Your lawyer may receive hundreds of screenshots, emails, voice messages and photographs without knowing which ones matter — or what they are intended to demonstrate.
Select the important material and connect each item to a fact:
- a parenting calendar may show the arrangement actually followed;
- a bank statement may establish income or expenditure;
- an email may document an agreement or refusal;
- a school record may show attendance or continuity;
- a medical document may establish a date, diagnosis or appointment;
- a judgment may establish what the court has already ordered.
For each document, ask:
What does this help establish?
Keep the original files whenever possible. Do not crop, modify or annotate your only copy. Preserve the date, sender, recipient and surrounding conversation when they are necessary to understand the context.
Your lawyer — not you — must ultimately decide which materials are legally admissible, strategically useful or unnecessary. Your role is to preserve the information and make it understandable.
Official Bar guidance recommends organising relevant documents before the meeting so that the lawyer can understand the dispute efficiently.
Marseille Bar — Preparing for a first meeting with a lawyer
5. When children are involved, bring the conversation back to their needs
It is easy for a discussion about parenting arrangements to become a discussion about the other parent's personality or behaviour.
Sometimes that behaviour is relevant — particularly where there are concerns about violence, neglect, coercion, addiction or obstruction. Those concerns should not be minimised.
But the arrangement you request should also be explained through the child's everyday reality:
- Where will the child live?
- How will school journeys work?
- Who will manage medical appointments and activities?
- How will holidays and handovers be organised?
- How will the child maintain meaningful relationships with both parents?
- Is the proposed arrangement realistic given distance, housing and working hours?
- What would provide the child with stability and safety?
Instead of saying:
"I want equal residence because the other parent does not deserve more time,"
try to explain:
"This is how school, transport, activities, homework and holidays could work across both homes."
Article 371-1 of the French Civil Code states that parental authority is a set of rights and duties whose purpose is the interests of the child. It concerns the child's safety, health, privacy, education and development and must be exercised without physical or psychological violence.
French Civil Code — Article 371-1
Parenting arrangements are not rewards or punishments for adults. Their purpose is to protect and organise the child's life.
6. Describe the parenting history before presenting the arrangement you want
Tell your lawyer what parenting has actually looked like — not only what you want it to look like in the future.
Explain:
- who managed school and homework;
- who attended medical appointments;
- how weekdays, weekends and overnight stays were organised;
- which parent managed activities and transport;
- what agreements had previously been followed;
- which arrangements worked;
- what changed after the separation;
- which practical difficulties occurred;
- whether either parent prevented or disrupted the agreed arrangements.
Avoid exaggerating your contribution or erasing the other parent's role. A precise account is more useful than a heroic one.
When deciding how parental authority should be exercised, the French family judge may consider the parents' previous practices and agreements, the child's expressed views under the conditions provided by law, each parent's ability to fulfil their duties and respect the other parent's rights, expert findings, social inquiries, and physical or psychological pressure or violence.
French Civil Code — Article 373-2-11
Your preferred arrangement matters. Its history, feasibility and effect on the child matter too.
7. Do not give your child a job in the legal dispute
A child may have views, feelings and, in certain proceedings and depending on their capacity for discernment, a right to be heard.
That is different from asking the child to:
- choose between their parents;
- report what happens in the other home;
- carry messages;
- collect photographs or information;
- repeat allegations;
- produce evidence against the other parent;
- reassure an adult about the legal case.
Article 259 of the French Civil Code states that descendants cannot be heard regarding the grievances invoked by spouses against one another in divorce proceedings.
Separately, Article 388-1 provides that a minor capable of discernment may be heard in proceedings concerning them. Being heard about their own situation is not the same as becoming a witness in one parent's case against the other.
French Civil Code — Article 259 · French Civil Code — Article 388-1
If your child says something concerning, record their words and the circumstances as neutrally as possible. Then ask your lawyer or an appropriate professional how to proceed. Avoid repeated questioning or trying to conduct your own investigation.
Your child can have a voice. They should not have a role to perform in your legal case.
8. Provide the complete financial picture
Do not give your lawyer only the figures that support the outcome you want.
Depending on what is disputed, your lawyer may need information about:
- salaries and professional income;
- unemployment and social benefits;
- housing and regular living costs;
- loans and debts;
- bank accounts and savings;
- businesses and company interests;
- property and other assets;
- pensions;
- exceptional expenses;
- financial support received from other people;
- the children's ordinary and particular needs.
If your financial situation has changed, explain when it changed and why. A single tax return may not describe your present reality.
For child maintenance, the amount is assessed with reference to the resources of both parents, the care arrangement and the child's needs.
Service-Public — Child maintenance
For a compensatory allowance in divorce, the spouses provide a declaration on honour concerning the accuracy of their resources, income, assets and living conditions.
Service-Public — Compensatory allowance
Hiding information from your own lawyer can damage both their analysis and your credibility.
Give your lawyer the financial reality. Let the lawyer construct the legal argument.
9. Explain what you actually want to achieve
"Winning" does not mean the same thing to everyone.
Your priorities might include:
- reaching a workable agreement quickly;
- protecting the children's stability;
- formalising an existing parenting arrangement;
- restoring or preserving contact with a child;
- deciding what happens to the family home;
- obtaining necessary financial support;
- responding to a serious allegation;
- avoiding years of unaffordable litigation;
- obtaining a court decision on one issue while negotiating others.
Tell your lawyer which outcomes are essential, which are desirable and where compromise may be possible.
France has both consensual and judicial divorce routes. In the usual form of divorce by mutual consent, each spouse must have their own lawyer, and the lawyers prepare the agreement governing the consequences of the divorce.
Service-Public — Is a lawyer required for divorce?
Your lawyer cannot properly evaluate negotiation, mediation, settlement or litigation without understanding your priorities, constraints and non-negotiable concerns.
Tell your lawyer what a workable outcome would look like — not merely what you oppose.
10. Leave every important meeting knowing what happens next
Before the meeting ends, make sure you understand:
- What are we asking for?
- What does the lawyer need from me?
- Which documents or evidence are missing?
- What will the lawyer do next?
- What is the next procedural stage?
- Which deadlines matter?
- What should I avoid doing?
- What could change the strategy?
- When should I expect an update?
- What are the likely fees and additional costs?
If you do not understand a legal term or procedural step, ask for it to be explained again. You are not expected to arrive already knowing how the system works.
The Marseille Bar recommends asking about the procedure, its stages, costs and billing — and making sure that you understand the lawyer's explanations.
Marseille Bar — Preparing for a first meeting with a lawyer
French law also generally requires a written fee agreement setting out the amount or method used to calculate foreseeable fees and costs, subject to limited exceptions.
Law of 31 December 1971 — Article 10
If possible, finish the meeting by writing down three short lines:
What my lawyer will do → What I must do → What happens next
Look down. Take a breath. Start with the facts.
A separation creates enormous emotional, legal and administrative noise. You do not need to explain your entire life perfectly in one meeting.
You need to help your lawyer understand the facts, the evidence, the risks, the needs of your children and the outcome you are trying to achieve.
So stop staring at the ceiling.
Take out your timeline. Open your list of questions. And begin with what your lawyer needs to know.
This article provides general information about separation and divorce in France. It does not constitute legal advice and cannot replace advice from a qualified lawyer who has examined your individual circumstances.
